The advice I keep getting is that I can't dwell in the past, I need to move on, abolish my relationship frame of references because they are steeped in dysfunction.
Correct, but oh so difficult. My only real relationship cues are bad ones. Rotten and backward experiences that bring me memories of violence and control. How then, do I figure out my way ahead? Experience and knowledge based on experience are what traditonally inform judgement in the present. But for me now - I don't know. I want to do whatever I can to keep everything blooming for W and I. In certain situations my reactions are based upon negative conditioning. My emotional flinches are hiccups that don't help matters. W is a wonderful guy that deserves a clean, equally beautiful slate. I keep wondering if there is a part of the process - dealing with domestic violence- that I have overlooked. I feel like I skipped a needed step of recovery. My past is the past but I also can't forget how I was treated and what that did to me pysche. I let it happen so I must also, officially absolve any intrusion into my current relationship. Does talking about the violence help to disarm the bad memories? I need to know.
Monday, August 4, 2008
Me In an Astrological Nutshell
The Sagittarius bounds through life with the confidence and optimism of one who is blessed. There is no possibility of failure, because Sagittarius knows there is a good and just reason for everything that happens in life. The Sagittarius may seem naive - unable to perceive wrongdoing in herself or others. She possesses an innocence of spirit that allows her to see through the evils and into the goodness in the hearts of everyone. She is friend to all, lover of animals and children. To the Sag, all creatures possess the utmost goodness and beauty, and thus are worthy of her earnest appreciation.
They have both profound and widely ranging minds, equipped with foresight and good judgement, and they can be witty conversationalists. They love to initiate new projects (they make excellent researchers) and have an urge to understand conceptions that are new to them. they think rapidly, are intuitive and often original, but are better at adapting than inventing and are at their best when working with colleagues of other types of character that compliment their own. They are strong-willed and good at organizing, a combination that gives them the ability to bring any project they undertake to a successful conclusion. Their generosity can be balanced by their extreme care at handling their resources.
The Sagittarius will travel far and wide in search of more knowledge about her world. She loves to learn, teach, expand and find truth - thus her interest in philosophy, religion and other cultures. She moves quickly and independently as she is so sure of her own choices, which are always pure, honest and well-meaning.
Sagittarius thrives on action, motion, knowledge, progress and spirituality. She is known to be athletic, and sometimes clumsy - occasionally tripping over her feet, or tongue. Always looking ahead, she can tap into the future. She seems to know instinctively what's coming up next....
They have both profound and widely ranging minds, equipped with foresight and good judgement, and they can be witty conversationalists. They love to initiate new projects (they make excellent researchers) and have an urge to understand conceptions that are new to them. they think rapidly, are intuitive and often original, but are better at adapting than inventing and are at their best when working with colleagues of other types of character that compliment their own. They are strong-willed and good at organizing, a combination that gives them the ability to bring any project they undertake to a successful conclusion. Their generosity can be balanced by their extreme care at handling their resources.
The Sagittarius will travel far and wide in search of more knowledge about her world. She loves to learn, teach, expand and find truth - thus her interest in philosophy, religion and other cultures. She moves quickly and independently as she is so sure of her own choices, which are always pure, honest and well-meaning.
Sagittarius thrives on action, motion, knowledge, progress and spirituality. She is known to be athletic, and sometimes clumsy - occasionally tripping over her feet, or tongue. Always looking ahead, she can tap into the future. She seems to know instinctively what's coming up next....
Sophistication Waning
Eating out isn't for everyone. Especially if you are extremely uptight, nasty, deaf, cheap, inclined to berate your server in an attempt to inject some confidence and self esteem into your own life. If it's your birthday and you are miserable.
And you really shouldn't be going out to pricey outfits like the one that I work out if you can't afford an appropriate tip, assuming of course that the service is satisfactory.
The truth may hurt but it's preferable to bending over and kissing the ass of people who don't have a clue. Case in point. My table last night that was rudely 'in communicato' all night grumbled an inquiry as to whether or not we had a kid's menu. After I discerned what they had indeed said, I proudly informed them that we did not have a children's menu. With a rather obnoxious smirk one of the men then asked me, rather bewildered at my announcement, "what then do kids eat in here?? Do they wolf down an entire steak?"
First of all you have to imagine that this is a restaurant for adults - it is not kid friendly - according to M's own corporate description it is a "cigar smoking, bustling saloon for the rich." That is the concept of the entire company, all 70-something restaurants in America and Asia.
Why is it rude to suggest a better match for guests' needs? Of course no one wants to "offend" anyone or encourage patrons to go elsewhere but there has to be a line drawn when we are talking about the very identity of an established restaurant. All of the special orders for kids, steak splitting, apple juice buying, and booster seating is really indicative of the particular crowd in this specific area. The rest of the company would fold if it followed suit. We would become nothing more than a high-priced Applebees.
I never thought I would have to answer the question "Do fries come with that" while working here but alas the new burger proved me wrong last night. As more and more of the sophistication and elegance seem to be slipping away (and I acknowledge that business is still very good) I can only hope I will not be around for the day that a menu for the wee ones is rolled out.
And you really shouldn't be going out to pricey outfits like the one that I work out if you can't afford an appropriate tip, assuming of course that the service is satisfactory.
The truth may hurt but it's preferable to bending over and kissing the ass of people who don't have a clue. Case in point. My table last night that was rudely 'in communicato' all night grumbled an inquiry as to whether or not we had a kid's menu. After I discerned what they had indeed said, I proudly informed them that we did not have a children's menu. With a rather obnoxious smirk one of the men then asked me, rather bewildered at my announcement, "what then do kids eat in here?? Do they wolf down an entire steak?"
First of all you have to imagine that this is a restaurant for adults - it is not kid friendly - according to M's own corporate description it is a "cigar smoking, bustling saloon for the rich." That is the concept of the entire company, all 70-something restaurants in America and Asia.
Why is it rude to suggest a better match for guests' needs? Of course no one wants to "offend" anyone or encourage patrons to go elsewhere but there has to be a line drawn when we are talking about the very identity of an established restaurant. All of the special orders for kids, steak splitting, apple juice buying, and booster seating is really indicative of the particular crowd in this specific area. The rest of the company would fold if it followed suit. We would become nothing more than a high-priced Applebees.
I never thought I would have to answer the question "Do fries come with that" while working here but alas the new burger proved me wrong last night. As more and more of the sophistication and elegance seem to be slipping away (and I acknowledge that business is still very good) I can only hope I will not be around for the day that a menu for the wee ones is rolled out.
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