Did I Have it Coming?

I know I deserve 1000% better than Chad could ever dream of being. He is the biggest scumbag I have ever encountered, and that is saying a lot. He has not changed. I know that in reality he is the same shameful person he was when I left him a year and a half ago. Still, it irks me to the core - this feeling I have that I am the only woman that he ever abused. I keep thinking back to him telling me, in the midst of a huge fight, that I was the only one he ever hit because I was the only one who ever challenged him so aggressively. There is no honor in this for him at all. Regardless of who he may or may not have hit, I am still halfway haunted by the fact that it was something in me that made him abuse me.

Why should it even matter? It wouldn't change anything if he had indeed abused his previous wives/girlfriends or if I was truly the only one. I cannot shake this feeling lately. I keep wonder what it was/is about me, that caused Chad to get violent on me. I know how insanely passive ignorant, and victimized this sounds. I saw his and his new wife(#3 on facebook and I found out that he met her at the Pentagon. She joked on one of the comments on her page that she is good a hiding her emotions at work because she works in human resources but that her family and her husband (gag), know better. All of these terrible thoughts keep whirling in my head. Like, is she a spitfire? She has a son and has tattoos. She doesn't sound like a shrinking violet. Why hasn't he hit her?